this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
