my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
