I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
