i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
