The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize