OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
do nipples grow back?
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