Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
