Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
