I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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