Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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