I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
