pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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