how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
