WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
