OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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