I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
