it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
