This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
