I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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