they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
