Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
