I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.