I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....