Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
