im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.