I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.