Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
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i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".