i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hippo gnu deer
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
