I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
