drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
