you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
