Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
