apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
