i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Redeem this text for a blowjob
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
