Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
