Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
