i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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