I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
