apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
