I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
