Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
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i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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