I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm really busy with my period
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