apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
