i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
