im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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