I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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