with your own penis?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
