Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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