Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
