At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
