you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
