3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
