So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
