I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
