i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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