You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
