Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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