When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
