So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
