apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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