So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he thought i was a dude.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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