today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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