Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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