My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
