O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I am morally bankrupt
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
