cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
