I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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