before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize