I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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