god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so that wasnt chicken after all
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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