..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
